Day 2: Write a Breakup Letter to Your Phone
Welcome to Day 2 of the Feb Phone Breakup Challenge!
Today, your assignment is to write a “breakup” letter to your phone—an unusual, but highly effective way to identify what you WANT from your relationship with your phone.
I’m serious: I want you to pretend that your phone is a person, and I want you to write a letter breaking up with it. You can take whatever tone you want—loving, excited, disappointed, regretful, angry, a combination of the above—whatever feels right. Be sure your letter includes details about specific things you’d like to change, and what you’re looking for in your next relationship—in other words, describe what a healthy relationship with your phone would look like.
If you’re stumped, here are some questions to get you started:
What do you love about your phone? For example, what good has come from your relationship? What does it help you do? What are some ways in which it genuinely improves or enriches your life? Remember: phones are amazing tools, and there’s a reason you got into the relationship.
What don’t you love about your phone? For example, what are its annoying habits? How is it being controlling? How is it interfering with the things you love doing, or the people you love spending time with? What makes you angry about its behavior?
How do you feel after you spend time together?
What does your phone want you to pay attention to, and how does this align (or not align) with how you want to be living your life?
What would your ideal relationship with a phone look like? (For example, what would it do for you? When would you be together? When would you be apart?)
Imagine that it’s the future, and you’re in a healthy relationship with your phone. What does the relationship look like? What are you proud of? How do you feel?
Examples:
Dear Phone: You’re indispensable. I'll give you that. But I'd love it if we had a healthier relationship. I'd like to reach out to you only when I need you. I'd like to be more present when I'm around people I love. I'd like to embrace boredom, waiting, or awkward situations without staring at your screen. I want to have time and space to do other things I'm passionate about. I want to find gratification from things other than you. Can we do that, please? Can we start having more boundaries? —S
Dear Phone: You fill my head with so much stuff I can't hear my own thoughts. That's the thing I resent the most. Why should you get to dictate what I think about, and when? I want to go back to a time when I had to entertain myself, to experience the way boredom breeds creativity, to learn the contours of my own mind and allow it to work at its own pace. I can't do that when I'm always at your beck and call. I never intended to get this attached to you. You're very charming. But I want a quiet life of contemplation. I want the ability to stand still in a silent room... as silent as I can get with a three-year-old, anyway. As for my boy, I want him to see me and know he is seen. What's best for me is what's best for him, too. —C
Curious why I’m having you do this? Writing a breakup letter to your phone is objectively a playful, silly, even weird thing to do. But as you can see from the above examples, what starts out as a playful exercise often ends up becoming quite poignant and vulnerable. Something about imagining our phones as romantic partners helps us let go of some of the guilt and shame we feel about our phone use, because we recognize that, unlike other inanimate objects, our phones are active contributors to our dysfunctional relationships with them. And by fantasizing about what a healthy dynamic would look like, we’re creating a positive goal to work toward.
So set a timer for 10 minutes, start with “Dear Phone,” and see where it takes you.
Then, if you feel up for it, drop your letter into the comments on today’s post. Yes, I know that this might feel vulnerable. But I guarantee you that no matter what you’re feeling, you’re not alone.
To scrolling less and living more,
Reminders:
This breakup will be more fun if we get to know each other. If you haven’t already, please take a moment to introduce yourself.
You can ask me (and your fellow participants) questions—and share observations and insights— by leaving a comment on this post. (I check and respond to comments each day.)
You can also send me questions privately simply by responding to the daily email, but I encourage you to engage with the community by leaving a comment on this post; you may be surprised to discover that other people are struggling with the same thing!
You can see a list of all of our daily assignments so far – as well as answers to FAQ – at the February Phone Breakup home base. (I recommend bookmarking it.)
Don’t forget to download and print the companion workbook. Visit this page on my site, add the workbook to your cart, and enter FEBPHONEBREAKUPWORKBOOK at checkout. (Please keep the code private.) After you submit your order, you should get a separate email with a download link.
Please make sure to find or order a standalone alarm clock!
I’ll be asking you to join me in taking a full 24-hour break from your phone from 5pm on Friday, February 20th to 5pm on Saturday, February 21st. Yes, I know: you probably just freaked out — most people find this idea very scary. BUT those same people often end up saying that it was one of the most rewarding parts of the entire breakup.
How to Leave a Comment/Join the Conversation
If you want to start a new thread/conversation, simply type your comment into the big white comment box below.
If you’re trying to respond to a previous commenter, or add a comment to a thread, simply tap the small “reply” circle on the top right of the post (if you’re on a computer, you may need to hover your mouse over the comment to get the “reply” option to show up) and reply in the thread. This will help keep our conversations organized.
You do not need to log in or create an account in order to comment. Simply enter your first name, ignore the other fields, and then submit the comment as a guest.
Catherine will be popping in once a day to read through and respond to your comments. You may also hear from other members of the team, Maryana and Laura, who are helping with logistics.